The Serpent Cycle: The Professor: Chapter 17~Sunday 20 December - Near to One in the morning
I don't know where to begin. I returned from Malfoy Manor nearly two hours ago and I am still sickened by all that I have done and all that I have witnessed.
Writing about it will do little to ease my mind. Speaking with Dumbledore about the evening certainly did not help. Awful. I can still sense the taint of it upon me, as if the very air of the place was cursed. It is trapped in my lungs. I want to cough it out but I can't. Their malice creeps beneath my skin - I want to scratch that out, but it will never leave me. How can it? The scar upon my arm seals the black poison within me forever. It has always been in me. I am one of them.
It was I who said those things tonight. What does it matter that I lied for the sake of her son? It will not change who I am or what I have done. Had I not become one of them with them in the first place none of this would be necessary. They would all be alive. Dumbledore would not be stuck with me. His pl
The Serpent Cycle: The Professor: Chapter 16~Monday 14 December – Late evening Clouds obscure the moon
I watched them burry my father. I don't want to think upon the rest of it. I just want to teach my classes to take my mind from the matter. Tomorrow...
~Tuesday 15 December – Late evening Clouds obscure the moon
Perhaps I should have listened to Dumbledore's advice and allowed someone else to teach my classes today. Though to think on it - that is what happened, for it was not I who stood before the students and lectured today. In my place was an undead monster that walked lifelessly through the room and spoke with my voice to give the class their instructions. It was no different from any other day.
My thoughts began to stray early. I stared out to Lily's former place in the room. I kept picturing her as she was - how she would have sat there, brewing potions or taking notes -laughing, as she ran her hand through her fire red hair. I can still see the caldron's fire reflected in her emerald green eyes. No, I can't - that light
The Serpent Cycle: The Professor: Chapter 15~Saturday 5 December – Early Evening - Sky full of indigo storm clouds
What a strange day it was, and my dream last night was stranger still. It seemed so real. Lily and I were walking to class. The hallways were bathed in warmth of orange sunlight as we made our way to the Potions Classroom - then suddenly we were already in class. We were brewing The Draught of Peace. Slughorn called over to Lily and asked her to help him carry a few cauldrons. She asked me if I would watch over her solution. I told her that I would. She thanked me but then she frowned. She looked at me with such sad eyes, then she told me that I would soon have another one to manage... When I woke up, I felt her with me still.
I went for a long walk after breakfast. I thought about her a lot. I remembered how we used to sit together and study while we were in Hogwarts... How in summer we would practice dueling with sticks and pretend we were characters in the stories... Sometimes she would be Asha, and I Sir Luckles
The Serpent Cycle: The Professor: Chapter 14~Tuesday 1 December – Late
He was my first thought upon waking this morning. Today was the date of his trial. Today would find out...
I tried to shut him out of my mind, but I couldn't manage to do it. As I dressed for the day, I recalled all the times in my seventh year when I would get ready to attend the clandestine meetings with the Death Eaters long before I had even become one. It was Avery who had always fought so hard for our inclusion at such events. It was Avery who insisted we go - convincing us of how great it all was.
He wanted nothing more than to join the Death Eaters. It sounded so perfect at the time. We would be a part of something powerful. It sickens me to remember how much I wanted it. I sensed danger yes, but I saw it as a way of getting revenge upon all those who had slighted me. I would be a part of something - finally.
In truth I didn't care about their cause as much as the others. I wanted to believe... I wanted so much to believe in something. Still I
The Serpent Cycle: The Professor: Chapter 13~Friday 26 November – My Room Night.
Just back from Dumbledore's Office. It could have been far worse. An unexpected topic of conversation, but all things considered, that was not nearly as upsetting it normally is…
I waited until some time after dinner, and then I ascended the stairs to his office. Less than twenty four hours ago, I raced up those stairs consumed by madness. It felt as if that had happened weeks ago as I walked slowly up to the landing tonight. I reached the door.
"There you are Severus," Dumbledore said glancing up from his papers as I entered the room. "I was beginning to think you were going to miss our weekly meeting."
"I had no intention of missing it," I told him. I tried hard to discern the meaning behind his words, for there was something in his voice… something to his concern that I might not have appeared before him tonight that unnerved me.
"Well I'm glad to hear that," in the midst of his sentence, Dumbledore had been distracted by something in the piles o
The Serpent Cycle: The Professor: Chapter 12~Thursday 25 November – Noon The Potions Class Room
I can still hear his voice in my head.
I'm going to stay here - I don't want to leave. I cannot bring myself to set foot in The Great Hall. The Draught of Peace that I had taken this morning has done nothing to calm me. Even now I can feel the slight effect that it had wearing off. It was folly to even take it. After what I have seen - after what I recalled in dreams last night, how can I rely on potions to steady my nerves?
I am starring at the flask on my desk, still fairly full of the fluid. Why even look? It won't silence his speech that keeps repeating in my head.
"…the Dark Lord always keeps his promises..."
I wanted so much for my classes to distract me. They didn't. I was lost before I even made it to my class. The sky…
It was almost as if he or someone else had made it happen – it was terrifying. Just when I had prayed for the light to never leave me - it did. I left my room, and as I walked through the halls, I watched as a
The Serpent Cycle: The Professor: Chapter 11~Thursday 25 November – Dawn, My Room
The presence of the sun. I see it now beyond the wall, burning my eyes like the grace of an angel and I think I have never been so grateful to look upon the light as I am now. I am terrified to look away. I am still shaking all over… covered in blankets and I cannot stop shaking. Don't ever leave me.
I fell asleep last night when I so desperately did not want to. I feel asleep on my astronomy book – you were supposed to protect me! Oh God what a mess I am - crying over the betrayal of a book, but then again why wouldn't I - when books are my only friends - and you didn't protect me!
I don't want to write it. Dear God don't make me write it but I must or I will never stop reliving it. I know I will never stop thinking about it – but perhaps I will stop shaking if I focus my fingers upon the act writing.
My dream - my memory that came back to me last night when I slid into the vulnerable realm of sleep… I must write it. It is my Sin and this my Penan